Teen Talk
From Northern Virginia Magazine April 2008
By Renee Sklarew
“Remember when you were 16?”
asked Maggie O’Toole, 19, of Falls Church. A simple question from a wise young woman
who reports feeling trapped and confused at that age. Back then, O’Toole valued her parents sitting down with her to talk. “It helps when they’re comforting. When they don’t think the worst,”she emphasized. Every generation of teenagers reports feeling misunderstood. Many depend on peers for support. Matt Puccio, 21, of Alexandria, wishes his parents had told him the potential side effects of drug use, “like how crystal meth makes you look like a skeleton and makes your teeth fall out.” He believes parents should offer details, such as showing teens research or pictures of drug use. Puccio was 9 when he became involved with a gang. “Parents need to tell kids what the wrong crowd looks like and how they act. That they pick on those who are weaker.”
Pediatric medical consultant Stacy Stryer, M.D., of D.C.-based consumer-centric company Revolution Health, agrees. She advises giving specifics before children actually encounter difficult choices. Seeking advice from your doctor and school counselor are steps to finding help. These professionals may point you to Northern Virginia Family Services, a practical resource for teens in trouble. Sharon Frost, vice president of intensive family services, describes “Equipping Teens,” a free program that teaches communication skills to teens and their caregivers. Teens learn to express emotions and take responsibility for their behavior. They explore how to cope with stress, using positive self-talk, deep breathing and knowing the triggers that propel them into anger. Frost said, “The power is in peer interaction. When adults open their mouths, they hear, ‘Blah, blah, blah.’ Teens value each other’s opinions a lot more.”
Leah of Burke, who withheld her last name for her family’s sake, was having difficulty with her teenage son, Mike. He was in trouble at school and angry when she tried to talk. When she asked him to go to Equipping Teens, Mike was tense. He said he didn‘t want to be labeled or admit he had a problem to his peers. Eventually, Leah convinced him to go, while she attended a session for parents. After that first meeting, Leah said Mike was chuckling about the game the counselors used to make them share their anger using M&M‘s. Since the program, Leah said Mike has become focused on his future and works with confrontations in a productive manner. And Leah has found comfort in the discovery she wasn‘t the only one with a troubled kid, while also gaining new tools with which to communicate. “Mike and I had a common language to describe the challenges we were having:‘ Leah described. “We learned about triggers, redirecting feelings and eventually began reinforcing each other‘s positive behaviors. He became the expert teaching me the techniques.
“Mike still has anger, but he knows what to do with it.“
By Renee Sklarew For Northern Virginia Magazine October 2007
Years Fly Faster than a Witch’s Broom
You know it’s coming. Summer is winding down. Stores are loading their aisles with black bats and pointed hats. So the process begins: What to be?
I remember my daughters’ first Halloweens vividly; partly from the requisite photographs of my girls perched on the porch surrounded by pumpkins and faux spider webs. Halloween in my house truly rivals birthdays and Christmas, so each October intense preparation begins.
My husband looks forward to Halloween almost as much as my children. He and his buddy take their youngest kids door-to-door, collecting “Daddy Booty” (Budweiser) on the porches of their compadres. It’s easy now, since kids basically run from house to house, while you tag along socializing with other parents. Gone are the exhausting nights pushing strollers and carrying toddlers to the doorway. But who could pass up the chance to peek inside the homes of the more reclusive neighbors‘ once a year?
Now I am on door patrol. I can scrutinize the parade of beloved neighborhood children, as they change into bigger and usually more frightening characters. Is it 10 years since James went from Pooh Bear to a toothless pirate accompanied by bleeding zombies? Passion for the holiday develops in preschool with parades and parties, princesses and Dalmatians. But in a blink, those same cherubs head off with a group of hoodlums … I mean, friends … to assault the neighbor’s well-manicured lawn.
“How did it go by so fast?” I asked my husband last year, after he pummeled through early rush hour to take our 8-year-old trick-or-treating. She darted past, resembling an unsuccessful Elvis impersonator. My husband gasped when The King dragged two pillowcases from her bed to take along. “One won’t hold all the candy, Daddy,”she explained.
My oldest, now a “tween;’ has abandoned her Disney persona in bustling skirts. Now she heads out wearing her ‘50S carhop costume, in fishnets, with gams that would shame Katie Couric.
Required: black eyeliner around the eyes.
Forbidden: all parents within the vicinity of her posse.
Also intriguing is the evening’s flow. Right at dark, the first little darlings begin their tentative knocking. Prompted to say thank you, they rush quickly away from your gushing enthusiasm for their adorable attire. As the evening continues, trick-or-treaters become larger and scarier.
An American Halloween has many meanings. For some it’s ghosts and witches. For others, it’s all about the candy. I’m afraid my youngest wears the costume simply to obtain the largest supply of sugar she will see for the rest of the year. You know people who give out healthy snacks? My daughter skips those houses. After the long day, the greatest moment is emptying bags of candy to sort and trade.
But it wasn’t alwaysthat way.
Not long ago, it was about Grandma making the perfect costume (Mom didn’t get the sewing gene). This year, as you prepare your precious character for a night of haunting fun, remember to stop and cherish this glorious time with your kids.
VIRGINIA
EASTERN SHORE
By Renee Sklarew for Northern Virginia Magazine Cover Story
September 2008
are characteristically calm.
The Eastern Shore of Virginia remains pastoral and unoccupied compared to the rest of the Delmarva Peninsula. It’s recognized by the United Nations as a “biosphere reserve” and has one of the last wetland habitats in the world. The largest coastal wilderness on the Eastern Seaboard of the United States, this narrow finger of land separates the Chesapeake Bay from the Atlantic Ocean. Traveling south on Route 13, the only major highway on the peninsula, you will pass protected environments—Chincoteague, Wallops Island, the Barrier Islands and, finally, Kiptopeke State Park—until you reach the 17.9-mile Chesapeake Bay Bridge-Tunnel leading to Norfolk.
The Bridge-Tunnel itself is a marvel. It barely skirts over the bay, going above water and then under it. At times you’re driving alongside fishing boats or straight toward a container ship.
Thousands of years ago, this peninsula was inhabited by the Algonquin tribes. Proof of the tribe’s fondness for seafood are the ancient shell middens, refuse of shellfish-harvesting, buried along the creek beds there. Native-American influence is seen in the names of the villages and the tributaries. The translation for Chesapeake is “great shellfish bay.”
Lisa Traynor, 53, of Chincoteague, said people commonly ride bikes to work. “The speed limit is 25 mph. It’s safe to pedal anywhere.” Asked about cell-phone coverage, she raved: “It’s not great, but I love that fact.”
The towns, founded in the late 1600s, are sparsely populated. Ernestine Smith, 76, resident of Belle Haven laughed, “The phone book for the whole Virginia shore is half an inch thick!” The small villages are a picture book of architectural treasures. Homes are Victorian clapboard, streets have old brick sidewalks; both are flanked by lush gardens and picket fences. Between towns lie miles of flat marshes, and in parts the land is only three miles across, huddled between two colossal bodies of water.
Tourism is an important source of revenue. Most accommodations along these country roads are diminutive inns advertising themselves as “a great place to read a book.” A low-tech utopia, the natural environment draws you outside to explore its treasures: eco-tours off the coast of Wachapreague or Thomas Gardens’ rare and unusual plants in New Church.
Fairfax County naturalist and historian Tony Bulmer, 40, of Nokesville, makes year-round trips to Virginia’s Eastern Shore. “Winter is an amazing time to visit. That’s when you see the snow geese, red-throated loons, all the winter birds that nest in the Arctic.”
The Shore boasts some of its own “green” citizens, who consciously maintain a small carbon footprint. Tessa Brown, 46, works for the thriving Blue Crab Bay Company in Melfa, which donates some of its profit to protect the environment. Manufacturing gourmet food and gifts, this homegrown company was originally known for clam and crab dips.
Like many locals, Brown grew up here but left to pursue life in a city. Besides missing the quiet and soothing calm of the region, she was drawn back by the sunsets. “There are only a few places I’ve been where you can see the sun set over the water. I call it God’s little garden by the sea.” She returned a few years ago. “The nickname for people like me is a ‘come-back-here.’”
Inside the Blue Crab Bay gift shop, pungent spices arrest your senses while you admire the nautical decorations in every corner. Owner Pamela Barefoot, 57, collects organic materials from the beaches to create her seaweed soaps, and the cozy store’s food samples boast “the everyday taste of the Eastern Shore.” Their Crab House Crunch is an extraordinary combination of sea salt, vanilla and zesty red pepper, somewhat reminiscent of Old Bay seasoning.
Barefoot recommends stopping for brunch at The Inn & Garden Cafe in Onancock (open on weekends only) for the grilled shrimp, smoked salmon and homemade bread. Their menu includes sausage-encrusted oysters and lobster ravioli with lump crab. After your meal, walk down to the Onancock Harbor before sunset to spot dazzlingly pink skies.
By Renee Sklarew
“It’s a good place to ditch your cell phone,” said Larry Knudsen, 70, keeper of Snow Hill, Md.’s The River House Inn, sponsor of Inn Tours—bike excursions between lodges lining Maryland’s and Virginia’s Eastern Shores. Families take Inn Tour vacations to explore this secluded 70-mile neck of land. “When you’re riding along you see lots of farms and water, stands of timber and wildlife,” Knudsen said.
According to Bethesda cyclist Gerald Johnston, 70, “We go on back roads, and you rarely see a car.” Johnston also rides with Carolina Tailwinds, another Eastern Shore operator. “I use the trips to motivate myself to keep in shape year-round.”
The Between the Waters Bike Tour is a Wachapreague October fundraiser that benefits the Nature Conservancy by way of an eco-tourism event that gives riders the opportunity to see the region. According to Denard Spady, director of Citizens for a Better Eastern Shore, “Routes are loops, winding along back roads, with scenic rest stops and views of barrier islands.” Between the Waters Bike Tour, www.cbes.org; Inn Tours, www.inntours.com; Carolina Tailwinds, www.carolinatailwinds.com.
